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What would Kersten do
Alix, my 24-year-old daughter, has left messages from her home in San Francisco: "I don't know if you are watching the news, but Holly and I just waited three hours in line at City Hall for a marriage certificate." And then, "Mom, we just got married!"
I knew Alix was gay from about the time she was in junior high. She struggled with the reality but did not want to discuss her sexuality with me, so I helped her find counseling to work through her fears. She made use of school and community resources as well.
In columnist Katherine Kersten's world ("Gay-marriage efforts build,[url=http://parajumpersoutletjackets.webmium.com/][b]parajumpers vest[/b][/url], ominously," July 18),[url=http://woolrichdeutschlandarcticparka.albirank.net/][b]woolrich deutschland women online shop[/b][/url], the issue of gay marriage is black-and-white. Her writing about it is filled with hyperbole and fear-mongering. I can't help wondering what would happen if a gay child invaded her world.
What would Kersten do? Would she disown the wayward child?
In March 2004, the California Supreme Court halted the San Francisco weddings, and a few months later my daughter and her partner received a letter declaring their marriage "a legal nullity and void from its inception."
How would Kersten feel? Would she be happy about this?
"A legal nullity." The commitment, however, is real. That year we celebrated it with family and friends -- twice -- first on the West Coast and later here in Minnesota.
With Charlie, my youngest child, it was different: It is the 2003 high-school basketball season,[url=http://parajumpersoutletjackets.webmium.com/][b]parajumpers outlet[/b][/url], and we are at one of his games. He is called for a personal foul. "That's OK,[url=http://peutereyjacketsuppliers.webmium.com/][b]Peuterey sale[/b][/url], ref!'' a woman shouts from the bleachers. "He likes to hold hands with boys!" The voice belongs to the mother of one of his friends.
One rainy night the previous spring, Charlie had asked me to join him for a walk. The last thing I expected was the announcement that he is gay. Caught off-guard, I did not earn any Mother of the Year awards. The first words out of my mouth were: "Are you sure?" And then: "But you'd have made such a good dad." Ever the wise soul, Charlie countered with: "What makes you think I'm not going to be a dad?"
What would Kersten do,[url=http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/][b]Doudoune Duvetica Pas Cher[/b][/url]? Would she tell her son that fatherhood is not an option?
I love my children. I like and respect the adults they have become. My struggle with their sexuality is not about homophobia. It's about battle fatigue from the relentless judgment of people like Katherine Kersten,[url=http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/][b]http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/[/b][/url].
"Chaotic" is how I describe my own childhood. My story of alcoholic parents and foster homes is not a pretty one; I've worked hard to be a good mother, to create a stable home for my three children. I also wanted a "normal" life for myself. Being the mother of two gay kids was not part of my plan.
Life became richer and more complex when Alix and Holly decided to become parents. When my husband and I told friends and relatives that we were about to become grandparents for the first time, we received brief congratulations -- and then questions: "Why?" "Who?" "How?"
At times it was annoying,[url=http://monclerjacketsformenssale.albirank.net/][b]Cheap Moncler Jackets Womens Sale Moncler Jackets Mens Outlet[/b][/url]. But I understood,[url=http://duveticadoudoune.halod.com/][b]Femmes Doudoune[/b][/url]. I had asked the same questions when I heard the good news.
How would Kersten react? Would the child be unloved?
When I was growing up in the 1960s, our culture was undergoing a sea change. The same thing is happening now. Rather than reacting in fear,[url=http://giuseppezanottisneakers.webmium.com/][b]discount 2013 giuseppe zanotti sneakers on sale[/b][/url], we need to consider stepping in and gaining some understanding of the real people involved.
Then perhaps people like Kersten might be able to see my Alix and my Charlie in the same approving way they would see my straight son, Ben, who got married last summer to a lovely young woman.
I wish that Kersten could meet Alix and Holly and their 15-month-old son. I wish she could see their love and strong bond as a family. I wish she could see how the three of them, looking nothing like a "traditional" family,[url=http://parajumersoutletdeutschland.albirank.net/][b]parajumpers jacken outlet sale parajumpers online shop deutschland 60% Rabatt[/b][/url], epitomize America's core values of love, trust and security.
Could she then tell me to my face that these young people did not deserve the dignity of marriage and the equal rights that come with it?
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